Category: Habits

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Neuroticism is an Expensive and Severely Limiting Trait

I think that Neuroticism is an expensive and severely limiting trait.

I feel blessed to be less neurotic than average. Probably considerably so. And only recently have I started to realize just how freeing that is.

Having traveled with others and just generally worked with others on various tasks and towards various goals, I’ve seen it all in terms of different personality types and styles.

Particularly with traveling, I’ve realized that few could do what I’m doing, and surprisingly, it has little to do with their financial state, flexibility with work, or even personal relationships.

It’s their neuroticism.

They can’t deal with minor changes in a plan, and everything has to be planned. They worry about every possible outcome and it cripples them.

It’s like life is an opportunity to accumulate a list of all the possible dangers and pitfalls available so that you can successfully avoid them.

This, of course, results in doing nothing but staying home where it’s comfortable and safe.

Which happens to be exactly what most people eventually do.

It’s almost funny, by far the #1 question I’ve ever gotten regarding my travels is, “was it safe?”

Or variations on that, such as, “weren’t you worried about getting murdered?”

People don’t ask about the culture, they don’t ask about the cool places I’ve seen, or friends I’ve made. When they think of Latin America, they only think of danger. They know they couldn’t go, because they would be too afraid.

You can chalk a lot of that up to straight up ignorance. Danger is relative. If you’ve been to Chicago, Detroit, or St. Louis, you’ve probably been to places far more dangerous than almost anywhere I’ve been.

But that’s not even the point.

Their neuroticism forces them to focus only on what could go wrong, never on what could go right. 

Still along the lines of traveling, I almost always use Airbnbs or similar rentals. Many people couldn’t do it. They’d worry that the host won’t show up on time, or that it won’t be as nice as the photos, or that the owner will rob them.

So instead, they would only ever rent a hotel in a nice tourist area.

But whereas I typically don’t spend any more than $50-70 per night to live in nice apartments, they are likely to spend $400+ per night at high-end hotels, because those are the only places they are comfortable with.

Just one example of how expensive it is to be neurotic.

Cars are another great example. For most people, the idea of their car breaking down on them while they are out is one of the most horrifying thoughts imaginable. So they only buy new or almost new, high-end cars.

Now, if you are driving reliable brands like Honda or Toyota, the difference in reliability between a car with 0 miles and one with 100,000 miles is probably fairly minimal.

But more than likely the new car will cost 3-4 times more. That’s an expensive difference, especially if they are constantly trading their car in for a newer one.

They simply cannot risk the minor inconvenience of their care ever breaking down.

I may take this to the opposite extreme of only buying high-mileage cars, and I have the privilege of having the knowledge of how to maintain them and fix them.

But a really neurotic person wouldn’t have that option even if they had the same knowledge as me.

It’s true professionally, as well. In a lot of ways.

First, a neurotic person is less likely to venture into the unknown. They are going to be less likely to try new things and learn more. They may get great at something specific, but may not advance beyond that which will hurt their career.

But I see something perhaps even worse with business owners. Often, they’ve had one bad experience or one particular fear and it’s all they can think about. When building the site, they don’t ask things like,

“How can we increase sales?”

or,

“How can we make sure that the checkout process is streamlined?”

Instead, they spend 90% of their time and focus with the site on one tiny little issue. They had one bad experience on a website that wasn’t built well, and they spend countless hours refining a part of the website that’s always worked just fine.

It’s a waste of time, but because they are paying me, it’s a waste of money, too.

Of course, there are times when it makes sense to work hard in a specific area. But people often go well beyond that and hyper-focus on something that I’ve told them, as the expert, really doesn’t need any attention.

Some of this may be getting beyond neuroticism, I suppose, but I still think it’s important to highlight.

The fact that I’m comfortable going to other countries without much of a plan and without knowing anyone, and just figure it out, is quite freeing for me. I feel like anything is possible and I enjoy that I don’t know what’s coming.

I guess I just feel sad that not everyone can experience that, and it’s often just because they are too neurotic.

That’s not a moral judgement. I think it’s just a facet of personality that I’m not sure can be changed. And obviously is associated with anxiety and mental disorders.

I just genuinely feel bad that not everyone has that freedom.

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Finally Making Changes to Sleep Pattern

First of all, it is depressing to me that I haven’t posted since April 20th. A ton has happened since then and I’m a little sad that I haven’t had time to talk about any of it.

Anyway, I do have good news. I’ve made more progress in the last week to my sleep than I had in years.

Basically I started listening to the Huberman Lab podcast, and it has some excellent information and recommendations for improving sleep.

I’ve been getting up without my alarm the last few days and starting to sleep better. I’ve been up generally early and have been much more productive overall.

The key is to just tie in to a lot more physiological processes than I have been to help me develop a proper rhythm. Brute-forcing a habit hasn’t worked for me in the past and I think it’s mostly just because I didn’t understand the physiological processes that control a circadian rhythm.

So I started getting up early and actually going outside and exposing my self to the morning light, which helps set your clock for the day. Specifically, I haven’t been using my phone at all, and I’ve gone outside and hot tubbed for a bit first thing in the morning.

In addition to being great for the light reasons, it’s also just easier for me to get up and do something I enjoy vs. say, a strenuous run or something.

And then I’ve also made an effort to be outside for a bit around sunset, which also helps regulate your internal clock and circadian rhythm.

And then of course, I’m trying not to stay up too late. Falling asleep has still been a challenge but I feel like it’s getting easier every day as I fall into this new rhythm.

I’ve also been just generally much more productive, though that may literally be just because I’m getting up earlier.

I also have avoided news and entertainment sites (aren’t they the same thing at this point?) almost completely, which in turn has also made me much more calm and focused, and generally improved my mood.

All good things!

I’m really hoping I can continue all of this and just keep improving. The more I learn, the more I realize that my terrible sleep habits are likely causing lots of other problems in my life, or at the very least: preventing me from performing optimally.

So this is just one thing that’s going well, but I hope to continue improvement from here.

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Got up Early, Was Super Productive, Didn’t Regret it

I was hoping I’d be able to get up early this morning to do a quick hike up to the Puerto Vallarta Mirador, but I was worried about being able to get up anywhere near sunrise.

Part of what is difficult for me is that I can’t normally go to bed “early”. I have to go to bed after it’s already late, or I won’t be able to fall asleep. However, last night I was feeling weirdly tired at 10:30pm and decided to just sleep, and succeeded!

I was able to wake up early (for me), get my morning activities done, do my hike, work, and proceed to complete a whole bunch of other things, too, with time to spare.

In short: I was incredibly productive.

It’s obviously no shock to me that waking up early leads to productivity, but I guess I just needed a concrete reminder. I probably have literally not gotten up that early in… Months. Many months.

And my alarm was only at 7:30am, isn’t that depressing?

So I think I really need to work on making a change and making this more my normal routine. I’ve got a lot to do, especially once I get home, and I’d like to be efficient with it.

Also, it just felt good to be up early in the cool air and to be productive. There were way fewer people out and it was just nice. I’ll bet I could get up and do photography, too, and it would be better on account of there being way fewer people around.

 

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I Don’t Necessarily Have to be Profound and Deeply Introspective All the Time

Today’s topic really applies just to this blog, though I suppose it applies elsewhere in life, too.

Whenever I sit down to write, I feel great pressure for it to be very meaningful and likely to positively affect change in major way in my life.

But it doesn’t have to!

One of the stated purposes of this blog when I first started was to simply practice writing. I’m pretty sure I had read a book that said the best way to improve your writing skills was simply to practice every single day, for at least 10 minutes or so.

So to that end: it doesn’t really matter what I write!

I do, of course, want to entertain and help my future reader (me). But who’s to say it won’t be entertaining without a major purpose?

I think that simply chronicling how I feeling and some general thoughts at that time is both beneficial and entertaining. So why not do it?

Okay, this didn’t take me 10 minute to write, but at least it’s something, which is the point. Just write!

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I Need to Eliminate or Heavily Throttle Harmful Distractions

I’ve decided that I need to completely eliminate harmful distractions like Imgur, aimless news scrolling, and mindless YouTubing.

When I engage in these activities, I just turn into a zombie. I keep going and going and it sucks all of my energy out, preventing me from getting anything else done.

I think this is what happens to most people when they use Instagram, TikTok, and other similar apps.

It just constantly hits you with dopamine until you’re completely immune to it. You can’t muster the energy to get anything useful done.

And for what? Is there any real value?

For the most part, I’d argue, “no”. It’s just a huge waste of time and life.

On days when I’ve done a lot of it, I get nothing done. On days when I don’t, I get a lot done and also feel much better.

That’s really all there is to it!

So as of now, I want to severely limit all of it, especially during the work day. I can still look at the news but I need to limit it to once or twice per day.

With that, I should be much more productive and happier.

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Lots of Things are Easy to Do After Sufficient Time is Spent on Them – But It’s Still Impressive that Someone Did It

I’m not sure how I can express that any more succinctly in the title, but here is what I mean.

For a long time, I always sort of wrote off certain video games because, “all you have to do is spend a bunch of time on it and you’ll beat everyone else”.

Generally, I was referring to MMORPGs where you literally just spend time and level-up. Once you’re at a sufficient level, you’ll be unstoppable except by others of a similar level.

Instead, I preferred games that reset every time. Where your past progress didn’t matter: only your current skill.

But what’s the difference?

If you spend time on anything, you’ll get better. Sure, some people might have pre-existing skills, or a better mindset that allows them to advance faster, but at the end of the day: the more time you spend on something, the better you get.

Period.

Not only that, but there are lots of things that essentially anyone can achieve, if they only spend the requisite time.

For example, learning a language. There’s really no big secret about it. If you spend enough time practicing, you’ll learn how to speak a language.

Again, some people might learn slightly faster, but nobody ever became proficient at a language without putting in a great deal of time.

In the past, maybe I was dismissive of things that simply required time because I believed in the erroneous idea of “innate talent” or simply the superiority of an individual, in all ways. Which are both just stupid.

“Natural talent” has been proven to be almost entirely a myth. Sure, to be a star athlete, you might need to be born with the right body type. But I guarantee you all of those super “athletic” individuals spent a ton of time to become skilled in those areas. Nobody is born knowing how to throw a perfect spiral.

To a large extent, any skill or talent is simply the accumulation of the time put into it.

And it’s only now that I’m realizing: that’s not any reason to dismiss it or to find it any less impressive.

Sure, anyone could achieve advanced proficiency in a language if they spent 1000-2000 hours practicing in it. So what’s the difference between someone who learned another language and someone who didn’t?

They actually did it.

They had the dedication, the perseverance, and the resolve to continue doing something that’s difficult until they mastered it. And that is impressive.

So ultimately, the most impressive thing about a person may not be their abilities or talents at all.

It may simply be their dedication to learning and improvement.

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I’ve Been Using News as Entertainment

Overall, I’ve been quite successful in wiping out the vast majority of mindless entertainment that I used to consume. And with it, I’ve found that I have much more energy (and time) to be productive and also focus on things that I actually care about.

But one of the remaining forms is maybe a little surprising: the news.

When I’m bored and need a distraction, I just go to Google News and scroll through and pick a couple articles to read. It seems like a good thing, right? Keeping up-to-date on what’s happening in the world.

I think there are two problems with this:

  1. I’m using it just to distract myself and to be entertained (also way too frequently)
  2. I would argue it’s a terrible way to truly learn about the world and current events in a meaningful, impactful way

I could go on about the second point for ages and probably will (or have?) at some point, but the first point is still equally relevant and the moment. I’m not going to the news in order to fulfill a need to be informed: I’m going to be entertained.

And that’s the problem.

I think it’s a huge problem that we all have this need to be constantly entertained now, and I want to be very intentional about how I spend my time and especially how I consume entertainment.

This is not an important one to me, and I need to start taking measures to ensure I don’t do this anymore.

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Emails Give Me a Nice Hit of Dopamine

I feel like I’ve been talking a lot about dopamine lately, but a thought I recently had was that going through emails seems to give me a nice hit of it.

Or, possibly more accurately: thinking about doing emails gives me the dopamine, and each time I move on to a new one, I get a little more.

And that’s part of why it has been one of the bedrocks of my productivity, I think. It’s not that hard for “going through emails” to compete with “messing around on my phone” because it triggers a similar neural pathway. Or something, I don’t know, I’m not a brain scientist.

I’ve discussed here in the past how my email habits are actually some of the most useful and consistent that I’ve developed. It does wonders for my productivity. I’m able to just blast through all emails without really needing any “willpower,” and it really isn’t very cognitively demanding.

I’m not totally sure why that is. Could it be that all established habits provide these same benefits?

Honestly, a life where I do everything productive with minimal effort and can coast through on “auto-pilot” for the difficult things sounds pretty good.

I guess I need to really start focusing on habits again in order to test this theory.

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Feeling Successful and Productive Makes You More So

This last week I was working through my to-do list and I was quite productive and completed many important tasks, including some that had been delayed for quite a long time. I felt good about everything I was doing and the direction I was taking.

And then I felt excited about the future and the prospects for my business and even started to have new, profound ideas about how best to improve things going forward.

I feel like for the last couple years I’ve sort of gotten stuck in a cycle of “keeping up” with everything. I’m barely on top of things and the best I can hope for is generally just to complete the backlog of urgent tasks.

And when you do that, you don’t feel good or accomplished. You feel like you did the bare-minimum poorly.

Which is exactly how I feel quite often when I’m working. Almost all the time, actually.

Now, I’m probably doing a better job than I think and I certainly have high standards. I know I’m not burning my business to the ground and I have countless happy clients.

But I’ve felt like I’m doing the bare minimum and that’s what’s important because it affects all of my actions.

It’s also absolutely true that I haven’t done much beyond maintenance of my business. I’ve probably spent an average of maybe 10 minutes per week in the last two years “on my business”, working on new ideas and on ways to try to grow. That’s… Nothing.

As a result, I haven’t felt as excited as I should be about things and I’ve gotten stuck in somewhat of a vicious cycle where my lack of initiative and time spent on these critical functions has further hurt morale and initiative and results in me doing them even less.

But I feel that coming back.

As I’m finally starting to tackle these backlog items and projects that should help grow the business, I feel more invigorated and excited about the future. I’m exploring new ideas and genuinely putting effort into making things happen.

So I think it absolutely works both ways. Just like with most things, good behavior begets more good behavior. Or you can do a bad job and get more and more stuck over time.

Obviously this post can serve to simply encourage me to stay on top of things and focus on activities that grow the business, but I think it’s important to put a more-actionable suggestion in here as well.

Going forward, I think I need to make it a point to do something every day that feels like it will help grow the business or improve things significantly in some way. It can even be something tiny.

This is important to do even on days when I’m overwhelmed. It needs to feel like, every day, I am making important progress in my business and never that I’m simply keeping up with what I have.

That’s critical.

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Not Working Out is an Emergency – And Perhaps Others

I was looking through my workout results from the week and had a realization today. Any time I’m not consistently working out, I should consider it an emergency in need of immediate remediation.

I only took off something like 5 weeks of working out. Partially due to having COVID and generally being constantly sick, and partially due to traveling and not being able to find a gym that would let me sign up.

Regardless of the reasons, the results were dire. In taking 5 weeks off, I lost something like 5 months of strength gain.

Now, to be fair, there are some confounding factors. I was sick a lot and that likely contributed to a greatly increased rate of muscle loss. I didn’t eat nearly as much and barely moved for a while.

Additionally, there are three factors which all currently have an unknown impact on my strength:

  1. I’m in Mexico City at something like 7500′ of elevation. Thinner air might affect me greatly
  2. I’m in Mexico City, along with its pollution
  3. I recently recovered from COVID, and it’s entirely possible that it left me weaker than before (decreased lung capacity, etc)

For the first two, I’ll soon find out if they have any real impact on me once I return home. For #3, I may never know. I do know I’m regularly out of breath even when I’m not doing anything, though all three together could play a part in that.

But ultimately, in just a very short amount of time, my inactivity undid a monumental effort I put in to build strength in the preceding months.

In 5 months I probably spent something like 150 hours working out to achieve a certain level of strength, but it was the missed 35 hours of workouts here that undid it all.

Using those numbers, the missed workouts were more than 4 times as influential in terms of my results. That’s insane.

So if I find myself in another position where I’m not working out, I need to treat it like the emergency that it is and fix it immediately.

But this also got me thinking… With my workouts, my results are tangible and, conveniently, numerical. There’s no guesswork and nothing subjective. I can see when I do better or worse, and by how much.

As a result, it was very easy for me to identify that this is a major issue and that I need to go to great lengths to avoid it happening again.

But what about… You know, everything else?

I have lots of goals and lots of things I’m learning and developing. I often take large breaks from those as well. Could it be that taking time off is just as damaging for those, if not more?

And I’m thinking that the answer is: definitely.

So when I’m home and I take 3 months off from really practicing Spanish, I think it’s pretty likely that I’m doing massive damage to my progress.

Now it’s true that I think knowledge is a bit more indelible than muscle. In a year you’d likely lose 100% of the muscle you’ve gained from weight training. But you’re never going to forgot 100% of something you’ve learned well.

But even so, I think consistency with all things is perhaps even more important than we’re told.

I need to focus more in my life on consistency over time in all pursuits. Always keep moving forward!