Category: Habits

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What are we Escaping From?

I came to the conclusion today that most entertainment we consume is actually just a form of escapism. We’re no longer watching artistic films or reading deep novels to try to gleam some deeper understanding of life or truly improve ourselves and our lives.

We’re just trying to escape.

From what, exactly? That’s the question!

I think most of the time it’s a feeling. It’s anxiety, stress, worry, or just an unsettling feeling of meaninglessness.

And it might work for a bit, but doesn’t do anything long term to actually resolve the underlying issues.

And I just feel like it’s kind of sad when you take a step back. We’re escaping from our lives when we could be living them. We could be making them better or working on something meaningful in our own lives. But instead, on average, supposedly people spend something like 8 hours per day on entertainment. Most of which, it seems to me, is pretty much meaningless.

That is, of course, not to say that all entertainment is bad or even that meaningless entertainment should never be consumed.

But I do think they need to be greatly limited in the modern context.

We live in a time period when people are totally disconnected from the output of their work. They don’t feel their jobs have meaning.

Add on to that the fact that most people have no real hobbies, and you end with a culture that really lacks any meaning.

And of course, this compounds on itself. You feel anxious about the lack of purpose, you seek to quiet that part of your mind, you scroll social media or throw on Netflix, you don’t connect with others or work on your hobby. The cycle continues.

I’m not sure what to do about this other than try to greatly limit my consumption of media, particularly empty, meaningless media and entertainment.

I can’t control the culture or other people but I can at least try to limit my own consumption.

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I Need to Write About Anything I’m Thinking About Consistently

I realized today that there are tons of things just sort of… Swirling around in my mind at any given time, and it feels a bit like I’m putting in a monumental effort to simply keep them in a sort of queue.

I think there is a cost associated with any effort of that nature, and over time, it really starts to bog down my brain.

I’m sure I’ve read about the legitimacy of such a thought and, from what I understand, it is actually valid.

The solution?

For anything that has popped up in my head or that I feel like I’m trying to hold on to: write about it! Here.

I’ll come back to it.

The moment I write about it, a bit of a weight is lifted. I no longer need to remember it. Obviously, for some things, they need to “cook” for a bit and those are going to stay in my head for a while.

But for other things, I just need to dedicate some actual time to sit and write about it, to put in the thought required to resolve it, and then either act on it if applicable or forget about it.

And that’s it.

It makes no sense to be dragging all sorts of mental baggage around with me all the time, scattering my attention, focus, and brainpower.

I think it’s important to come to this blog almost every day and write about, really, whatever is on my mind.

Things that are seeking some kind of resolution will get there faster, things that require action will come to the surface and become actionable, and things that I’m ruminating on will be given enough thought to resolve and then forget.

Like in many areas of my life, I think my threshold for quality is too high. I have this idea that I shouldn’t do something at all unless it’s great.

But this blog is almost entirely for me. I don’t need every post to be incredible. Sometimes it’s just about writing it.

And I’m arguing now that, for many things, the main value is in writing it and getting it out of my head.

So going forward, I want to be way more open to just word vomit and spilling out my brain into blog posts with no specific purpose.

The quality might go down but the clarity of my thinking is likely to improve. And that’s the important thing.

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I Want to Play More Guitar and Generally Shift my Time Focus

I’m just about done with my 3 week Asia trip, and I feel like my perspectives and priorities have changed a bit.

Most of the most rewarding experiences I had involved playing guitar or performing music (jamming with musicians in Kyoto, playing a guitar at a bar near Nagano, Karaoke in Tokyo and Taipei, playing Cajon in Taipei at open mic night). It made me realize I’d really like to invest lots of time into improving. I’d like to get really good.

And I’ve done just fine maintaining my business with an average of fewer than 2 hours per day spent on it. Which means I should have an incredible amount of free time on my hands.

I need to focus on practice and learning vs. just “being good”, because I think that will make it more fun and ultimately lead to better results.

I’m told that 3 hours per day is probably the most you should ever play and it will yield the best results. I don’t need to play that much every day but I might as well shoot for close to it. Maybe even just try it for a while and see how things change.

I might even buy a new acoustic guitar that’s a little more standard to play and go from there. My current ones are unusual.

I’ll focus on fundamentals and hopefully also start playing with people again. I think that would be fun. Maybe do open mic nights.

But I’d say that overall, I’ve had a bit of a mindset shift on how I spend my time. I got the impression while traveling that in these places there is far less of a focus on money and productivity, which is great. I’m realizing more and more that our system in the US is just sort of sick, and much of it has been imposed upon us by billionaires trying to create a culture of wage slaves to enrich themselves.

And I want no part of it.

Obviously, I have to plan for my future. And my job has only improved over time and paid me more, and I’m incredibly thankful for it.

But I need to realize that it’s a means to an end, and that I need to take a step back and really be honest about how I’m spending my time with it. I need to really focus on making it as efficient as possible and spend as little of my own time on it as possible so that it doesn’t interfere too much with the rest of my life.

And I also just need to review how I’m actually spending my time. I think I’m still wasting far too much time on silly activities like entertainment. I’m not being intentional enough.

Part of the problem is that I lack the energy to work on things that benefit me all the time. I may need to improve my sleep for that or figure out other things.

But I should also change how I view some of my activities. I should have times when I’m playing guitar just for fun and I don’t need to focus on learning or improvement. It can be low-energy and restorative. Just play songs I know if I’m lacking in energy.

Anyway, that’s what I hope to do going forward and I’m thankful for this trip that it helped me see that. Hopefully I won’t just slide backwards going forward.

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Social Media and Phone Addiction is Devastating

I was taking the train from Taipei to the airport, and at one point I looked around at everyone else on the train and literally every single person – probably 100 within eye shot – was on their phone. Just glued to it.

They weren’t talking on their phone or anything, and from what I could tell, nobody was even doing anything productive. They were all just scrolling through mindless content.

And it made me realize just how completely devastating this is.

I feel like the “elites” have been doing everything they can to control people. Historically, that was done predominantly through vices like drugs and alcohol. One could argue that’s also the primary purpose of sports viewing.

But I would argue this is far more effective.

No longer are people ever alone with their thoughts. They have no time to do things with their lives or think through their own problems because every free moment is spent just staring at a screen and consuming mindless content.

It’s the most effective possible way to control people.

I think it’s probably far worse for people than anyone realizes.

When you don’t sleep properly, your body can’t recover from stress properly. Your brain doesn’t function right. You struggle to learn things or even form proper memories.

But what if you’re never bored? What if you’re never alone with your thoughts?

I believe that’s when you slip into the Default Mode Network (or perhaps I have it backwards).

What if this state is just as important as sleep? How are people supposed to take a step back and look at their life and make improvements if they never slip into that state?

I’m certainly not immune to the allure of doomscrolling. I’ve put a lot of effort into stopping and also eliminating most options for even doing it, but I do still find ways from time to time.

And I think that’s going to have to stop. It just made me to sad seeing so many people, not saying a word to each other. Just numbing themselves.

I think it’s so easy to just say it’s harmless, but I’m feeling more confident every day that it’s not true.

I think the people in charge absolutely know it’s not harmless and are trying to control the narrative so people don’t realize it is.

We know that much of this is true: I know at one point some private correspondence from Facebook came out proving that Mark Zuckerberg knew how harmful his products were to people and they just sort of ignored it.

I can’t control what other people do and I’m certainly not judging anyone. But I do control myself, and I think I need to make the decision to basically block all possible forms of mindless content consumption and make sure I never go back to it.

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On Caffeine and Deep Sleep

I’ve been using my Oura ring for something like a month now, and I think it will actually prove to be a game changer.

It didn’t take me long to realize that when I wake up still feeling tired and then feel unmotivated all day, it’s because I didn’t get very much deep sleep.

And every time I wake up feeling great and have tons of energy, it’s because I got lots of deep sleep.

Now, it’s not an EKG and its determination of sleep cycles is not entirely accurate. But it’s not bad either. And it seems to track very well with how I’m feeling.

This is the kind of information I’ve historically lacked. It feels a little bit like the missing piece of the puzzle.

I’m still experimenting and I haven’t gotten anything settled yet. But at the moment, it’s really looking like any amount of caffeine throws off my deep sleep completely.

Even a single green tea in the morning or a root beer in the afternoon is enough to reduce my deep sleep to an hour and fifteen minutes (on a good night) to thirty minutes or less.

I drank a bit yesterday and lately have been thinking that alcohol totally ruins my deep sleep, but apparently that’s not true. I got plenty last night. And I haven’t had caffeine in like 5 days.

I’ll keep going caffeine free for at least a few more days, and then I’ll test my theory by having one green tea in the morning. If it messes up my deep sleep, I’ll know that’s what happened.

I’m not getting my hopes up because I’ve been so wrong about many of these things before. But this one so far seems very plausible.

I’m also continuing to improve my nose breathing and that could also be helping with my sleep. Hard to say.

I’ll report back if I have any more evidence to support or refute my theory.

Oh, and just so I have them written down: if it’s not caffeine, there’s also some evidence that eating less than 2 hours before bed could be a real problem, or that screen use is a problem.

Although I did both right before bed last night and it was fine.

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I Need to Redouble Efforts to Avoid Phone Time Wasters

I’ve let myself start to develop bad habits again with my phone. This time, it has mostly been Reddit. For whatever reason, I guess I decided again that it was important for me to be kept up-to-date on what’s happening in the world every single day.

There’s way more on Reddit than just current events, though, so of course things spiraled.

I’ve wasted so much time lately on that website. And the worst part about it is that not only does it just completely waste the time used to view it, but it also seems to sap me of my energy and make me less productive and happy beyond that.

So it’s got to stop.

I’m making it my main priority right now to avoid that completely. From now on, I plan to really just avoid scrolling Reddit completely. I also want to spend minimal time on YouTube, though that’s far more under control thanks to my Screen Zen app.

I think the importance of these things is implicit, and I’ve talked about them at length in the past, so I don’t need to rehash all that. I just want to document it here so that I can keep track of it and establish my resolve to really take it seriously.

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The Purpose of Basically Everything is to Feel Good, So I Need to Prioritize Things that Maximize That

As humans, we like to believe that we are always incredibly deep and everything is meaningful and that every action and motivation is incredibly complicated.

But in the end, we just want to feel good.

Obviously there are many ways we go about feeling good, and feeling good in the short term often comes at the expense of feeling good in the long term (eating something tasty but bad for you, drinking, watching TV, etc.).

And, of course, perhaps some things feel good in different ways. Some things may be deeply fulfilling, while others may just feel like passing pleasure.

Yet just about anything we strive for, we do so because we believe it will make us feel good. Even for things like charity or volunteering; we think that we’ll feel good about ourselves if we do it. And that’s probably rightly-so!

But what if we just dropped the pretense and admitted that basically everything we do is an attempt to feel good? That’s literally how our brains work.

Even the most deeply selfless acts are most likely always the result of someone choosing the way in which they think they’ll feel best; often the resulting choice between intense emotional anguish or brief physical harm and maybe even death.

Now, you might be thinking, “I know people that are always trying to feel good, and that kind of hedonistic pleasure-seeking leads to a bad life.”

And this is where I think it’s important to note the difference between being impulsively drawn to short-term pleasure and carefully planning to feel good long-term.

I’m starting to think that it’s better to plan – virtually always – to maximize how you feel long-term.

So let’s look at a common example: drinking.

Drinking is famously enjoyable in the short (when done in moderation). But what about the long-term?

It would seem that even relatively small amounts of drinking have a pretty serious, lingering, negative impact on mood and other measures of well-being.

At the risk of being overly analytical, if you were to graph how you felt over time, the purpose of life (or at least the unavoidable aim as mammals) is to maximize the integral; the area under the curve.

While most people are probably decent at doing that for the next… 15 minutes, they are not so good at doing it long-term. And that’s what I want to focus on.

Sure, I want my highs to be high. But I don’t want my lows to be so low, and I certainly don’t want to be feeling bad most of the time.

Yet that’s where I think most people are. They live in an unhealthy way, they work too much, they spend too much, they don’t communicate, their priorities are off, they drink, they don’t sleep enough, and in the end they might have some moderately high highs, but most of the time they are very low.

And I don’t want that.

So going forward, I’m going to think a lot more about this concept and use it to reevaluate things like drinking and see if it wouldn’t be better to just give it up completely.

I need to focus on the things that will maximize the area under that curve at all times. Even at the expense of other activities, like working.

Pretty much anything that is “healthy” falls under this category. I don’t think total deprivation is necessary, but I do need to focus my efforts where they will be most beneficial.

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I Need to Totally Recalibrate How I View and Experience Things – Especially Being Alone

I’ve often mentioned here how I’d like to sort of get away from all social media and all silly entertainment, and I finally feel now like I’ve pretty much done that. YouTube had long since been the holdout, but I’ve been using the Screen Zen app and it has successfully gotten rid of the habit.

It’s not that I don’t ever use YouTube now, but the app basically just bugs me to get off it, and I do. So I went from averaging probably almost 2 hours per day on YouTube down to maybe 10 minutes per day. Which is great!

But I feel like a lot of wiring in my brain is being reworked.

I’ve been practicing a ton of guitar and reading a lot. And… Not much else, beyond work and normal, in-person socializing.

What I spend my time on has seen a massive shift away from mindless entertainment and far more onto productive practicing and reading in other languages. Both are things I’ve wanted to prioritize, and now I am.

But I think it necessitates a recalibration of many things. Some of this will happen naturally, and some I probably need to put some thought into.

Historically, almost any time I found myself home alone on a weekday (or worse: weekend), I found myself feeling very lonely and itching for some kind of distraction.

And I always found that distraction: mostly in mindless entertainment.

Over the years, any time I felt that tinge of restlessness or loneliness, I would just turn to YouTube or just watching movies or shows, and I could successfully ignore it.

But now I’m not doing that. The feeling is still there, but I’m channeling that energy into practicing things and reading.

Whereas in the past I never saw those as pleasurable activities, I feel like they are slowly becoming so as more and more time goes by and I get away from any social media or entertainment addiction.

I’ve heard a lot about “dopamine resets,” which may be largely nonsense as a concept. But while there may be no way to “reset” things in one go, I think that if I can avoid all of the mindless entertainment as an ongoing state that it will greatly increase my enjoyment of good, healthy things.

Since it’s all still kind of new, I don’t know for sure, but that certainly feels like how things are going.

So I’ll keep paying attention to that and see where it gets me.

I’ll also work on avoiding giving into any temptation when I feel that boredom or loneliness or… Whatever.

I think being bored is a gift. Maybe nothing productive or healthy sounds fun in a moment, and that’s okay. Maybe I should just be bored for once.

I don’t need to be stimulated every second of every day.

We’ll see how things go in the future, but I’m hopeful they will keep improving in this area.

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It’s Been Bothering Me that I’ve Been Too Focused on Entertainment Rather Than Anything Deeper

I feel like I’ve become increasingly restless in my life, (figuratively) and I’m starting to realize it’s because I feel I’ve focused almost everything in my life on enjoyment of entertainment and experiences.

Recently I’ve been very torn because I’ve sort of been planning a long Mexico trip and have been trying to work out logistics.

But I’ve come to the conclusion that I’m not excited about doing a long trip like that. And it took me a while to figure out why.

I’ve spent so much of my life simply trying to experience things, hoping that it would make me happy. But it hasn’t, and I think it’s because it’s just… Not that deep. It doesn’t provide meaning or progression.

I’ve had some great experiences, don’t get me wrong. But that’s not enough by itself.

For travel: I feel like I’ve gotten away from my initial goal of travel, which was to connect with other people, cultures, and places. But lately I’ve felt more like a tourist; traveling around just for hedonistic pursuits like adventure-seeking, food, etc.

Lately I’ve gotten really into improving my guitar playing and also focusing on consistency with my weight training. The latter has been more successful then ever thanks to my CPAP therapy.

So it feels like I finally have things that are deeper and worth pursuing, and that’s really where I want to focus my time.

If I go travel for three months, both of those things will fall by the wayside. Not to mention the fact that I’ll need to spend a lot of extra money.

Before CPAP, I sort of felt like I had no energy after working to put towards any pursuits other than just entertainment, basically. But now I have way more energy. Plus I think I finally broke my last social media vice (YouTube) and now find myself far more focused and motivated to actually do things.

I may still travel, but at this point I am thinking it will be just one or two shorter trips. I’d rather stay home and focus over the winter.

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I think I Genuinely need 9+ Hours of Sleep For the Time Being

I slept 8 hours last night, and I can feel that I didn’t sleep enough and it has actually caused problems.

I’ve mostly been getting an actual 9 hours of sleep lately, and that’s been working pretty well for me. I’m just a little surprised to see that 1 hour less and I’m suffering the consequences.

My workout was incredibly disappointing. I’ve struggled all day to stay concentrated, especially as the day goes on. I feel tired and brain-foggy.

I think that what’s happening is that I’m still aggressively healing from my decades of sleep apnea, and my body has become used to the 9 hours I’m usually asleep and is fully utilizing that time to heal. If I don’t get the full amount, I’m going to suffer.

It’s also possible that I need much more sleep than most because my workouts have become increasingly intense, and it just takes a lot of time and energy to repair my muscles after each session.

But since I’m actively improving in many areas still, I have to assume it’s because I’m healing.

Regardless, it doesn’t make much sense to worry about it much until a year has passed and/or I stop improving.

I’m hoping that eventually, I’ll start feeling great with much less sleep. If I had a couple more hours each day to be productive, that would be tremendously beneficial in my life.

The purpose of this post, though, is just to establish that, for now, it’s really important that I sleep at least 9 hours. Whatever it takes to get that, I need to do. Otherwise I’m just setting myself up for failure in many ways.