I’ve had a variety of posts in the past that touch on some of these themes, but more than ever, I feel myself becoming less interested in simply being entertained or consumption and more interested in creating things of my own or genuine connection with others.
This is particularly evident after a night where I just stayed in and played games or watched shows or movies. If that’s all I did, the next day I always just kind of feel hollow. Like I wasted the whole day.
Conversely, when I focus on improving myself – whether that’s reading, developing a hobby like guitar or disc golf or another sport – or just socializing and connecting with others, it feels much more rewarding.
I think I’m at a point in my life now where I just really need to focus on improving myself more and getting into the habit of almost exclusively engaging in activities that are going to bring me long-term improvement and satisfaction.
And simply consuming entertainment is not going to do that.
It’s not to say I can never just enjoy things. And particularly at this moment, I feel like it still has a place as I feel like I improve after my sleep apnea diagnosis. I don’t want to be too hard on myself, and sometimes it’s totally fine to just relax and enjoy something.
But I want to continue moving towards creation and improvement. I think that is going to really help me long-term.
I want to cultivate a sense that I’m providing value to the world and to myself beyond just my job. That I am inherently talented and capable.
I suspect it may just be human nature to desire that. Regardless of why I want it, I feel that it is quite important and I’d like to achieve it.
Historically, it has often felt overwhelming to focus on anything difficult after work. It has sort of felt like just doing my work and working out were the only things I had the bandwidth for, and so the rest of the time all I could do was just enjoy entertainment.
But as my energy returns, I’m starting to feel like I can and should be doing way more than that. So that’s what I’ll do!
I’m sure similar ideas and updates on this same one will come up over time.