Perhaps Periods of Low Mood are Critical

In my post yesterday, I commented how there is seemingly a natural cycle of lower moods and higher moods, and that it’s totally to be expected – even during very happy times – that sometimes you’re going to feel introspective and sad.

And perhaps that’s absolutely critical.

I’ve described how it sort of feels to me like maybe I haven’t processed any of the negative emotions or difficult situations I’ve experienced for a long time. I’ve written that perhaps it’s because historically I would just drink something or distract myself with entertainment or other things, and that maybe that just totally shuts down your natural ability to process these emotions in a healthy way.

But maybe it’s these times when you’re alone and feeling low-energy and possibly sad that this type of processing really happens.

It’s also the time when most people immediately seek a distraction, whether it be their phone, alcohol, drugs, food, or anything else.

Maybe just sitting with those negative emotions and putting some work into thinking about them is key to actually processing them, moving on, and staying emotionally healthy.

I’m not a therapist or a psychologist or a neuroscientist so obviously I don’t know for sure. But it seems like a pretty plausible possibility.

It would also explain why people are more depressed than ever and seemingly more emotionally crippled.

Maybe the key is to seek out those moments where you are feeling kind of down and just sit with what you’re feeling and process it in a healthy way.

Maybe then you can get past it and recover better than ever.

There is a Natural Ebb and Flow to my Mood Throughout the Day

As documented throughout this blog, I have a daily questionnaire that I fill out to track things like how I’m feeling, how productive I’ve been, what I weight, etc.

But one thing I haven’t really thought of much until today was the fact that I tend to fill out this questionnaire around the same time each day, which greatly biases the answers.

Some questions have numerical answers and are established using information from the previous day, which makes them inherently more resistant to this problem. Others, however, ask about the situation in the moment I take the survey.

So for example, one of the main questions is, “On a scale from 1-10, how are you feeling right now?”

And over the years, I’ve noticed that the answer to this doesn’t change much. Something like 90% of submissions are a 6, with an additional 9% or so being a 5.

But this shouldn’t be all that surprising.

I almost always get my day started with a routine. Sometimes it involves running, but it almost always ends with tea and some low-key studying before submitting the questionnaire.

Either way, I’m virtually always calm and alone when I take it.

When I think about it, this nearly eliminates the possibility of any high-values, which typically happen when I’m socializing or doing something particularly exciting.

This obviously limits the usefulness of the survey question, but more broadly: it makes me realize that every day has predictable low-periods in mood and periods when it’s likely to be higher, and that’s okay.

I’m going to be in a lower mood when I’m alone and not doing anything fun; that’s to be expected.

Or even in periods when I am less happy, there will still be predictable periods of time when I’m particularly unhappy. I think the key is to understand that it doesn’t mean that “deep down I’m actually truly unhappy” if that’s how I feel during the parts of the day when I’m alone and not doing anything fun.

Because you have to consider the rest of the time.

Much of the time I am socializing and engaging in activities that improve my overall mood. And those are important parts of my life that can’t be ignored.

Overall, I think this just helps me understand how I’m feeling and what significance that has in the grand scheme of things. It’s not only okay but expected that I’ll have low points throughout the day. But I should focus on the high points that will also come.

Willpower & Motivation are Resources to be Cultivated and Used Strategically

We’ve all heard that you shouldn’t rely on the nebulous idea of “motivation” to get things done or achieve success, but I think that’s a very facile precept that should really be expounded upon.

In general, I think it’s a good idea, but we need to clarify a few points.

Note that I’ll basically use “willpower” and “motivation” interchangeable here, but I’m really referring to the same thing.

I think motivation is like a superpower that you have, but it’s not inexhaustible.

The reason people say that is because some people tend to only get things done when they have large amounts of motivation, and then they have no discipline or structure in place to keep going once it inevitably runs out.

And so yes, I agree with the statement that motivation should not be solely relied upon to get things done.

So how should it be used?

Just like any other resource.

It should cultivated, fostered, and spent or used strategically where its impact will be the greatest.

There are many implications of this paradigm, so I’ll go through them one at a time.

First, willpower must not be wasted. 

This could mean a numbers of things; you shouldn’t use it to accomplish pointless things, it shouldn’t be underutilized, and most importantly: I think that you should set up your day-to-day life to minimize its use.

The most obvious way to do this is what all the self-help and productivity “gurus” taut, which is to establish habits and routine. And this is, in fact, great advice.

Not only will these things keep you productive during extended periods where you have no motivation, they will also amplify the impact when you are motivated.

Think of it like a discount. The same task takes much less motivation because it’s already a habit.

And once you’ve finished your habits, you have much more motivation leftover to tackle additional tasks.

Building habits is, by far, the most important thing you can do for productivity and for maximizing the impact of your motivation and willpower. I’ve talked a lot about it in the past, though, so I don’t need to go into much more detail here.

But in addition to habit-building, it’s also important to plug any obvious willpower “leaks”.

So, for example, let’s say you’re trying to eat healthier. You could buy all the same things at the grocery store like junk food, and then leave it lying around your house every day.

The end result would be that throughout the day, you are constantly seeing the junk food and having to use up some willpower to avoid eating it. You won’t have much of it left for other activities, and you may even run out at some point and give in and eat the junkfood.

So what’s the solution? Easy!

Just stop buying it to begin with. Grocery shop right after eating if you have to, and only buy healthy things. You won’t have any unhealthy options left in your house to be tempted by, and the net effect is that you aren’t using up your willpower on something stupid.

This same concept could apply to lots of other areas, too. Besides obvious ones like not having alcohol lying around if you’re trying to quit drinking, you can also do things like blocking distracting websites on your computer, uninstalling unproductive apps on your phone, and removing activities from your life that you greatly dislike.

The net result is that you’ll have much more consistent motivation leftover to use in areas where it makes the most sense.

The next concept is that you should do everything you can to maximize production of willpower.

Entire books have gone into detail both defining what “willpower” is and also how to maximize it. But in general, I think you need to get the basics of a healthy lifestyle right.

Eating right, sleeping well, avoiding excessive stress (even though short-term stress can help you power through things), and keeping yourself happy are all important to maximizing willpower.

If you’re unhealthy, chronically stressed, or depressed, you probably are going to be severely lacking in motivation and willpower.

Next, you need to use your motivation and willpower on important activities that will have the greatest impact.

You could use it all on tedious tasks that probably could be automated or outsourced. Or you could even do nothing with it and just give in to entertainment even though you’re very motivated.

But instead, you should be using it primarily on high-value activities that are likely to improve your long-term earning or productivity potential.

At the start of this year, my motivation was fairly high. I was being productive in basically all areas. I’d finish my normal work for the day, and then I’d proceed to make great progress on my long-term business goals and some personal ones.

And that was basically every day.

But then, starting at the end of Spring, all of that motivation seemed to dry up. I’ve discussed and speculated on the causes of that at length in other posts, but the important thing now is that I got to see first-hand what the difference was for me between being very motivated and having no motivation.

And it was stark.

Basically all of my efforts beyond just the regular day-to-day stuff completely dried up. I never did any of the business initiatives nor the personal ones. And it has been a little depressing.

This goes to show just how important it is. With it, things go so much better.

It showed me that while it is important to have habits in place (which kept me generally on-track), willpower is still incredibly important and can greatly amplify the impact of your efforts.

It’s starting to come back now, I think, and I have big plans for it. I’m really hoping to make the most of it and get all of my other initiatives back on track.

I want to focus hard on my long-term growth initiatives in my business and really focus on acquiring other companies. It will probably require a lot of manual effort but I suspect that it will be worth it in the end.

I Think I Really Do Need to Relax

So I’m starting to just generally feel better, and my sleep has improved, and in general things are just better. And I think it’s just because I’m finally relaxing and don’t feel like I have to just keep going nonstop.

I think that for several months, I pretty much just felt a constant stress and anxiety. I had a bunch of projects going simultaneously with aggressive timelines and constant issues, and I always had the looming problems of half-planned trips that not only required urgent planning attention, but would also take me away from being able to address everything else.

And I just felt it, constantly. I couldn’t truly enjoy anything because in the back of my mind I was constantly worried about the other things.

It was a physical reaction. I assume that it was just the regular stress response, but spread out over months without any breaks. As we know well, that leads to chronic inflammation and other problems. It’s definitely not a good long-term state.

But I’m finally starting to feel better.

I think I do really just need to relax. Obviously the solution isn’t to just “relax”, since that may be nearly impossible depending on the circumstances.

But I need to be careful about my circumstances to make sure I CAN relax.

I certainly need to be careful about what projects I take on, and especially the timing of them. I had some overlap and that proved to be a problem.

They also overlapped with trips in which I had no internet and wouldn’t have time anyway to manage them, which is far from ideal.

Going forward, for projects that need constant management, I should only ever take them on if I’m going to be fully available with plenty of wiggle room on either end.

And if I’m burnt out, I need to be okay just taking a break from traveling or whatever else I’m doing. I think that the next month and a half will be quite restorative.

I Need to be More Open to Feedback and Criticism

A friend was giving me some suggestions on some of my marketing efforts and part of my website, and I realized that my natural reaction is to get defensive or dismissive.

I’ve created a business over the years in which I don’t need to rely on anyone and rarely have any genuine discussions with anyone about how to run it. I’m in charge and I decide pretty much everything.

But I wonder how much of that is just sort of a defense strategy to avoid facing any criticism? Perhaps in my quest for total independence, I’ve gone too far and now dismiss all external suggestions.

And that’s a bad thing.

Many of his suggestions were good. And I really should be actively seeking advice from others if I want to keep growing and succeeding.

I’ve never liked feedback or criticism but I feel like that’s something I should probably address. Because I need that feedback. It is extremely helpful.

This might just be a personal thing that I need to focus on and work on over time. Hopefully I’ll eventually start actively getting feedback from others in some way and make improvements based on that feedback.

It may be the only way forward!

Especially since I had a major disappointment yesterday. I had been in talks to acquire a fairly large website host and it looked like an excellent fit. I found out yesterday that they decided to go with another buyer, which was a huge blow.

I feel like I need to channel that disappointment and do better all around and improve. I need to get tactical with my efforts and really start hammering home my efforts to acquire other businesses.

It’s nice when they come to me, but I don’t think I can count on that every time. I need to start aggressively seeking them out, I think.

I Should Focus on Opportunities, not on Worries

I was feeling pretty good this morning; better than I have in a while. And I realized that I had basically spent all morning thinking about positive, future opportunities.

A project I was excited to get started, some growth possibilities in my company, potential get-togethers with friends.

And it left me feeling good. I was also focused and productive and felt more motivated than usual.

In contrast, I feel like lately I’ve almost exclusively focused on worries and concerns. I’ve been super busy with a bunch of different things and stressed because of some projects. My mind has been focusing on what could go wrong and how I should address it and never on things that could go right and what a difference that would make.

I feel like I used to always focus on opportunities and positive things, but somewhere along the way, I switched.

I just read an older blog post where I was super motivated. I’ve come across a bunch of these. My energy, excitement, and enthusiasm before the pandemic seem to have been unstoppable.

Despite the fact that I wasn’t in as good of shape and still drank and generally hadn’t gotten my life together as much, I still seemed to have a motivation that I have never been able to match since. And I’ve commented on it while going through old blog posts.

Maybe that’s when it happened.

Maybe it was the fear and worry and general anxious atmosphere surrounding the early days of the pandemic that flipped some kind of switch in me. I started focusing on the negative rather than the positive, and maybe I’ve never come back from that.

And that’s a shame.

But more than just being a shame, it’s really counter-productive.

I think about where my head has been at, and it’s silly. I’m wasting all my time worrying about a small, one-time project I have going on. More than likely it will end up fine, but regardless: the long-term difference between the most positive and most negative outcome on my life is quite small.

This is the case for virtually everything I worry about.

Conversely, I am currently in talks to acquire a hosting company with hundreds of websites. The positive impact this could have on my business and my life is massive. Long term, we’re talking maybe 3 orders of magnitude greater than the project I’ve been worried about.

And now that I’m thinking about it: it’s absolutely insane. I’ve been giving the negative thing more space in my head than the positive thing that’s potentially 1000 times more important.

I need to totally rewire myself to think almost exclusively about opportunities. Because the aforementioned opportunity is just one opportunity I have right now. There is no limit to others I could have. I just need to be focused on opportunities and how I can achieve everything I’m looking to do.

Honestly, even writing this out, I am getting a bit of a tinge of excitement realizing what I could be doing and how much I’ve been missing out on. I’ve gotten the fundamentals right in so many areas of my life, and I feel like I’m poised to make some big moves if I just focus on the big opportunities and implementing all of the initiatives I think of.

After all, most of the things I’ve tried have worked up until this point. Some have taken longer than others, and some have obviously led to more success than others.

But I’ve had very few abject failures, and most things have worked out in the end if I have put enough work into them.

So from now on: I just need to focus not just on being positive, but on the big picture, on growth, and on the opportunities I have.