Month: August 2022

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What Am I Missing Out on by Being Self-Taught?

I’m not sure how this never occurred to me before, but I just considered today the fact that in my business I’m almost completely self-taught and I may be missing out on quite a bit as a result.

I learned a lot from working at another web development company before starting mine. But almost none of it was actually about building websites, and the vast majority of what I’ve learned has come after that.

I want to clarify here that I’m not self-made. I’ve had tons of help along the way. From social support, to general guidance, to referral partners, and much more, I would not be where I am now without the support of others.

But just in terms of learning how to work with others and how to operate a business, almost everything I’ve learned, I’ve learned from just… Doing it. Trying things, making mistakes, and improving.

I think a far more common way to do it is to go work in corporate America, develop a large skillset, and only branch off and start your own business when you already know the majority of what you need to do.

Certainly you hit the ground running that way.

But then again, most people who do that don’t really start their company until their 40’s or 50’s, in my experience. I had an established company in my 20’s.

But it was a lot of hard work and it really didn’t pick up until many years into it.

So now I’m just wondering a few things:

  1. How much faster could I have gotten going if I had been taught?
  2. What am I missing out on now, given that I still don’t have anyone teaching me?
  3. What should I do about it?

For #1, it’s certainly hard to say. I think having some kind of guide definitely would have helped. I remember back in my Carlson days, there were programs where aspiring business owners could find a mentor who would help them.

I’m not sure why I scoffed at that back then, but I’m sure it would have been incredibly helpful. It may have saved me a painful few years of struggling to get going.

For #2: there’s probably quite a bit! I think I’m past the point of wanting to learn more about, for example, coding or website design. I have my team for that.

But for running a business: there is obviously a ton I don’t know. And at this point, experience is going to be a slow teacher.

I don’t make tons of big mistakes anymore. Things are established and going well.

But that’s not much incentive to change, and there isn’t a whole lot of room for improvement there, either.

So I’d say I’m almost certainly being held back quite a bit by not having anyone teaching me.

So then what should I do?

I think maybe I need to find a mentor of some kind. Not a business coach, but a mentor.

Somebody who’s been here and knows the way forward.

I talk to some of my friends who are doing great in the corporate world, but their experiences are generally not that applicable to my situation. I think it would be hugely beneficial to me to find someone who’s been in my shoes that can help guide me.

So… I should do that. Now I just need to look around and see what’s out there for mentoring opportunities. I will check that and report back.

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Neuroticism is an Expensive and Severely Limiting Trait

I think that Neuroticism is an expensive and severely limiting trait.

I feel blessed to be less neurotic than average. Probably considerably so. And only recently have I started to realize just how freeing that is.

Having traveled with others and just generally worked with others on various tasks and towards various goals, I’ve seen it all in terms of different personality types and styles.

Particularly with traveling, I’ve realized that few could do what I’m doing, and surprisingly, it has little to do with their financial state, flexibility with work, or even personal relationships.

It’s their neuroticism.

They can’t deal with minor changes in a plan, and everything has to be planned. They worry about every possible outcome and it cripples them.

It’s like life is an opportunity to accumulate a list of all the possible dangers and pitfalls available so that you can successfully avoid them.

This, of course, results in doing nothing but staying home where it’s comfortable and safe.

Which happens to be exactly what most people eventually do.

It’s almost funny, by far the #1 question I’ve ever gotten regarding my travels is, “was it safe?”

Or variations on that, such as, “weren’t you worried about getting murdered?”

People don’t ask about the culture, they don’t ask about the cool places I’ve seen, or friends I’ve made. When they think of Latin America, they only think of danger. They know they couldn’t go, because they would be too afraid.

You can chalk a lot of that up to straight up ignorance. Danger is relative. If you’ve been to Chicago, Detroit, or St. Louis, you’ve probably been to places far more dangerous than almost anywhere I’ve been.

But that’s not even the point.

Their neuroticism forces them to focus only on what could go wrong, never on what could go right. 

Still along the lines of traveling, I almost always use Airbnbs or similar rentals. Many people couldn’t do it. They’d worry that the host won’t show up on time, or that it won’t be as nice as the photos, or that the owner will rob them.

So instead, they would only ever rent a hotel in a nice tourist area.

But whereas I typically don’t spend any more than $50-70 per night to live in nice apartments, they are likely to spend $400+ per night at high-end hotels, because those are the only places they are comfortable with.

Just one example of how expensive it is to be neurotic.

Cars are another great example. For most people, the idea of their car breaking down on them while they are out is one of the most horrifying thoughts imaginable. So they only buy new or almost new, high-end cars.

Now, if you are driving reliable brands like Honda or Toyota, the difference in reliability between a car with 0 miles and one with 100,000 miles is probably fairly minimal.

But more than likely the new car will cost 3-4 times more. That’s an expensive difference, especially if they are constantly trading their car in for a newer one.

They simply cannot risk the minor inconvenience of their care ever breaking down.

I may take this to the opposite extreme of only buying high-mileage cars, and I have the privilege of having the knowledge of how to maintain them and fix them.

But a really neurotic person wouldn’t have that option even if they had the same knowledge as me.

It’s true professionally, as well. In a lot of ways.

First, a neurotic person is less likely to venture into the unknown. They are going to be less likely to try new things and learn more. They may get great at something specific, but may not advance beyond that which will hurt their career.

But I see something perhaps even worse with business owners. Often, they’ve had one bad experience or one particular fear and it’s all they can think about. When building the site, they don’t ask things like,

“How can we increase sales?”

or,

“How can we make sure that the checkout process is streamlined?”

Instead, they spend 90% of their time and focus with the site on one tiny little issue. They had one bad experience on a website that wasn’t built well, and they spend countless hours refining a part of the website that’s always worked just fine.

It’s a waste of time, but because they are paying me, it’s a waste of money, too.

Of course, there are times when it makes sense to work hard in a specific area. But people often go well beyond that and hyper-focus on something that I’ve told them, as the expert, really doesn’t need any attention.

Some of this may be getting beyond neuroticism, I suppose, but I still think it’s important to highlight.

The fact that I’m comfortable going to other countries without much of a plan and without knowing anyone, and just figure it out, is quite freeing for me. I feel like anything is possible and I enjoy that I don’t know what’s coming.

I guess I just feel sad that not everyone can experience that, and it’s often just because they are too neurotic.

That’s not a moral judgement. I think it’s just a facet of personality that I’m not sure can be changed. And obviously is associated with anxiety and mental disorders.

I just genuinely feel bad that not everyone has that freedom.

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My Idealism May Come from a Religious Upbringing

It occurs to me that much of my idealism may come from my religious upbringing.

I remember learning about the Bible in school when I was little. And hearing about “turning the other cheek” and being taught about Jesus and other figures and how they always sacrificed themselves.

Those stories resonated with me.

Specifically, it was the idea of self-sacrifice. That you could ignore your own needs and desires and, ultimately, deny your own humanity and limitations.

It’s not really a realistic way to live, I now know. It doesn’t mean we can’t sacrifice ourselves to an extent and, of course, help others.

But the drowning man can’t help anyone but himself.

There’s a difference between denying your own wants, and denying your own needs.

The distinction was never clear as a kid, and arguably is never made within religious teachings.

Perhaps most pernicious is how these quixotic ideals can be applied to other areas.

If I should strive to a superhuman level of self-sacrifice, and if this is presented as a realistic option, then I should also be able to completely control myself in all areas and reach similarly superhuman levels of self-control and discipline.

I don’t think it even really occurred to me until the last few years how completely unrealistic and absurd it is.

Here’s a good example to illustrate this.

When I was young, I always just thought, “mind over matter”. I believed that, as an intelligent human, we can attain complete control over our own feelings and actions.

To the extent that I remember thinking (before I started drinking), that I would easily be able to just blast shots of liquor without any reaction at all, because I would have no trouble suppressing my reaction to what is, after all, only a flavor, right?

Because of my… I don’t know, superior self-control?

This is the kind of thing that, if I could speak to my younger self, I would mock relentlessly. Because it’s stupid.

Granted, I didn’t know at the time just how powerful the biological response is when consuming what is quite literally poison.

But the important thing here is how… I almost said naïve, but really arrogant or possibly just ignorant I was.

I truly thought I could just completely control myself.

If I heard a young person say something along those same lines, I would laugh. And I would do anything I could to see that person consume their first shot. Hopefully tequila or something.

And I would laugh hysterically when they almost puke.

Obviously, there are examples of people doing some pretty super-human things. The monk who sat placidly after setting himself on fire comes to mind. The Ice Man. And many others.

But the fact remains: probably something like 90% of our behavior is guided almost completely by our biology and hormones, just like any other mammal.

We aren’t the hyper-intelligent beings we believe ourselves to be, constantly running calculations and making brilliant decisions that set us apart from the apes.

We’re hungry and we eat. We’re tired and we sleep. We feel social and we seek out company.

Arguably, for the majority of people, higher-level thinking dictates almost nothing in their lives.

So yes, I’d say it’s important to strive for improvement (as almost every post in this blog demonstrates), but your goals should be pragmatic.

Idealism is inherently problematic, because we are human. We are not and can never be perfect in any way.

To deny the physiological processes that guide us every moment of every day is to deny your true nature.

And without accepting your true nature, you can’t effectively improve.