I think that Neuroticism is an expensive and severely limiting trait.
I feel blessed to be less neurotic than average. Probably considerably so. And only recently have I started to realize just how freeing that is.
Having traveled with others and just generally worked with others on various tasks and towards various goals, I’ve seen it all in terms of different personality types and styles.
Particularly with traveling, I’ve realized that few could do what I’m doing, and surprisingly, it has little to do with their financial state, flexibility with work, or even personal relationships.
It’s their neuroticism.
They can’t deal with minor changes in a plan, and everything has to be planned. They worry about every possible outcome and it cripples them.
It’s like life is an opportunity to accumulate a list of all the possible dangers and pitfalls available so that you can successfully avoid them.
This, of course, results in doing nothing but staying home where it’s comfortable and safe.
Which happens to be exactly what most people eventually do.
It’s almost funny, by far the #1 question I’ve ever gotten regarding my travels is, “was it safe?”
Or variations on that, such as, “weren’t you worried about getting murdered?”
People don’t ask about the culture, they don’t ask about the cool places I’ve seen, or friends I’ve made. When they think of Latin America, they only think of danger. They know they couldn’t go, because they would be too afraid.
You can chalk a lot of that up to straight up ignorance. Danger is relative. If you’ve been to Chicago, Detroit, or St. Louis, you’ve probably been to places far more dangerous than almost anywhere I’ve been.
But that’s not even the point.
Their neuroticism forces them to focus only on what could go wrong, never on what could go right.
Still along the lines of traveling, I almost always use Airbnbs or similar rentals. Many people couldn’t do it. They’d worry that the host won’t show up on time, or that it won’t be as nice as the photos, or that the owner will rob them.
So instead, they would only ever rent a hotel in a nice tourist area.
But whereas I typically don’t spend any more than $50-70 per night to live in nice apartments, they are likely to spend $400+ per night at high-end hotels, because those are the only places they are comfortable with.
Just one example of how expensive it is to be neurotic.
Cars are another great example. For most people, the idea of their car breaking down on them while they are out is one of the most horrifying thoughts imaginable. So they only buy new or almost new, high-end cars.
Now, if you are driving reliable brands like Honda or Toyota, the difference in reliability between a car with 0 miles and one with 100,000 miles is probably fairly minimal.
But more than likely the new car will cost 3-4 times more. That’s an expensive difference, especially if they are constantly trading their car in for a newer one.
They simply cannot risk the minor inconvenience of their care ever breaking down.
I may take this to the opposite extreme of only buying high-mileage cars, and I have the privilege of having the knowledge of how to maintain them and fix them.
But a really neurotic person wouldn’t have that option even if they had the same knowledge as me.
It’s true professionally, as well. In a lot of ways.
First, a neurotic person is less likely to venture into the unknown. They are going to be less likely to try new things and learn more. They may get great at something specific, but may not advance beyond that which will hurt their career.
But I see something perhaps even worse with business owners. Often, they’ve had one bad experience or one particular fear and it’s all they can think about. When building the site, they don’t ask things like,
“How can we increase sales?”
or,
“How can we make sure that the checkout process is streamlined?”
Instead, they spend 90% of their time and focus with the site on one tiny little issue. They had one bad experience on a website that wasn’t built well, and they spend countless hours refining a part of the website that’s always worked just fine.
It’s a waste of time, but because they are paying me, it’s a waste of money, too.
Of course, there are times when it makes sense to work hard in a specific area. But people often go well beyond that and hyper-focus on something that I’ve told them, as the expert, really doesn’t need any attention.
Some of this may be getting beyond neuroticism, I suppose, but I still think it’s important to highlight.
The fact that I’m comfortable going to other countries without much of a plan and without knowing anyone, and just figure it out, is quite freeing for me. I feel like anything is possible and I enjoy that I don’t know what’s coming.
I guess I just feel sad that not everyone can experience that, and it’s often just because they are too neurotic.
That’s not a moral judgement. I think it’s just a facet of personality that I’m not sure can be changed. And obviously is associated with anxiety and mental disorders.
I just genuinely feel bad that not everyone has that freedom.