For the last handful of years, I’ve had a sort of mantra that I keep coming back to, which is basically, “Yeah, anyone can do it. But I actually did.”
I had been planning to write a blog post about this for some time, and then today, I just so happened to read the blog post where I first heard those words.
It was in my own blog. But it wasn’t me who said them. It was a comment from my good friend David, and he said those words exactly.
I don’t think I appreciated them fully at the time, but over the years they came to mean more and more to me.
You see, my early writings in this blog reflected my actual mindset at the time which had a sort of obsession of being a “top performer” or just really talented or smart. While not all my posts were public, it seems like every few months I’d write a post scolding myself for not doing better or questioning whether I was even that talented.
I used to find myself regularly pursuing extremely ambitious goals or projects and then getting frustrated when I didn’t immediately excel at them. I was dismissive of anything that I saw as requiring lots of time but not elite, innate abilities or talent.
But you know what I’ve come to realize? That’s complete nonsense.
One of the most rewarding things I’ve done in my life is learn a foreign language (Spanish) and actually reach a high level of proficiency in it.
But here’s the thing about learning a language… Anyone can do it. It takes a lot of time and energy, but it doesn’t require any special skills or intelligence. You just have to put in the time.
Anyone could do it. But I actually did. And in Robert Frost’s famous words, “and that has made all the difference.”
As David pointed out eight years ago, the fact that anyone could do something is irrelevant. It still takes hard work and sustained effort to do many things, and they are still not only worthwhile, but even impressive.
So since then I’ve really tried to apply that to my life, and it’s been freeing. I don’t need to be the best at anything innately or to focus on activities that most people could never do. If it’s worthwhile to do, I should do it.
I’ve been having lots of fun getting more serious about guitar playing lately, and I think this mindset shift is an important piece of that.
I don’t think I’m a naturally gifted musician or guitar player, but it doesn’t matter. Most people could master an instrument if they were to put in the hours. But it’s still extremely worthwhile to do so. The fact that most people could doesn’t cheapen it at all.
And, lest I get carried away here, it’s also worth noting that things can be worthwhile and great even if everyone not only could but actually does do them. Even if they are extremely easy. Not everything needs to be a demonstration of ability or, more pointedly: proof that you are better than others. Things can be enjoyable and worthwhile on their own merit.
With that out of the way, I want to proceed to the logical conclusion of this line of reasoning.
There is no difference between those who could do something and don’t, and those who can’t do it.
The idea that you “could” do something if you wanted to is a mirage. It’s so irrelevant that it’s meaningless.
You either do something or you don’t. Nobody cares whether you’re capable of something and you shouldn’t either.
If your self-esteem is based on perceived but untested competence and ability, you’re doomed to never try at anything for fear of breaking the illusion of competence.
I’ve seen how this plays out with myself and lots of others. It’s almost always the same.
These people typically don’t want to try anything new. If they do, they give up quickly when they realize they aren’t instantly gifted at it.
They fear failure more than anything because it means they aren’t what they believed themselves to be.
And what’s really interesting that over time, their efforts and failures (or lack thereof) are compounded.
Most people who succeed at a high level were willing to try lots of things and, indeed, fail at lots of things. Their self-esteem was never tied up in their “innate ability”.
This gave them experience which, over time, gave them actual competence.
I think it’s the same reason that you so often see top performers from high school flame out in college or after and end up in safe but boring jobs, never really reaching their potential.
It’s a known phenomenon that the vast majority of top performers in adulthood actually didn’t excel as children. In fact, a Science study determined that only 10% of top performers as children end up as top performers as adults.
And I think this is a big part of why that is. When you’re a top performer as a child, you start to believe that you are successful because you are actually in some way better than others. You then close yourself off to any opportunity to expose that as untrue. This prevents you from performing at an elite level later in life.
But I reiterate: it doesn’t matter if you can do something. I only matters if you actually do it.
Anyone could learn Spanish, but I actually did it, and it was extremely worthwhile to me. Now I’m even learning French, something anyone could do.
I’m running a business in an industry with low barriers to entry and I’m not doing anything particularly original. In theory, most people could get into this. But I actually did it, and it’s enabled a life for me that’s very worthwhile.
And again, I’m really putting a lot of effort into guitar and music again, even though I don’t think I have any particular natural ability. And it’s already greatly enriched my life. I’m kicking myself for spending so little time on it for a long time, in part because I didn’t feel like I was naturally gifted.
How silly.
I think that, without this important mindset shift, I would have eventually found myself an old man with no accomplishments or abilities, bitterly confident in my own intelligence and talent with absolutely nothing to show for it.
I feel that I’m on a much better path now. One where I can just enjoy things and set goals that are attainable and have have rewarding experiences that I never would have been able to before.
It’s a shame we can’t go back in time and talk to our younger selves. I’d love to have the opportunity to set myself straight years ago.
I can’t do that, but the next best time is to do it now!