It occurs to me that much of my idealism may come from my religious upbringing.
I remember learning about the Bible in school when I was little. And hearing about “turning the other cheek” and being taught about Jesus and other figures and how they always sacrificed themselves.
Those stories resonated with me.
Specifically, it was the idea of self-sacrifice. That you could ignore your own needs and desires and, ultimately, deny your own humanity and limitations.
It’s not really a realistic way to live, I now know. It doesn’t mean we can’t sacrifice ourselves to an extent and, of course, help others.
But the drowning man can’t help anyone but himself.
There’s a difference between denying your own wants, and denying your own needs.
The distinction was never clear as a kid, and arguably is never made within religious teachings.
Perhaps most pernicious is how these quixotic ideals can be applied to other areas.
If I should strive to a superhuman level of self-sacrifice, and if this is presented as a realistic option, then I should also be able to completely control myself in all areas and reach similarly superhuman levels of self-control and discipline.
I don’t think it even really occurred to me until the last few years how completely unrealistic and absurd it is.
Here’s a good example to illustrate this.
When I was young, I always just thought, “mind over matter”. I believed that, as an intelligent human, we can attain complete control over our own feelings and actions.
To the extent that I remember thinking (before I started drinking), that I would easily be able to just blast shots of liquor without any reaction at all, because I would have no trouble suppressing my reaction to what is, after all, only a flavor, right?
Because of my… I don’t know, superior self-control?
This is the kind of thing that, if I could speak to my younger self, I would mock relentlessly. Because it’s stupid.
Granted, I didn’t know at the time just how powerful the biological response is when consuming what is quite literally poison.
But the important thing here is how… I almost said naïve, but really arrogant or possibly just ignorant I was.
I truly thought I could just completely control myself.
If I heard a young person say something along those same lines, I would laugh. And I would do anything I could to see that person consume their first shot. Hopefully tequila or something.
And I would laugh hysterically when they almost puke.
Obviously, there are examples of people doing some pretty super-human things. The monk who sat placidly after setting himself on fire comes to mind. The Ice Man. And many others.
But the fact remains: probably something like 90% of our behavior is guided almost completely by our biology and hormones, just like any other mammal.
We aren’t the hyper-intelligent beings we believe ourselves to be, constantly running calculations and making brilliant decisions that set us apart from the apes.
We’re hungry and we eat. We’re tired and we sleep. We feel social and we seek out company.
Arguably, for the majority of people, higher-level thinking dictates almost nothing in their lives.
So yes, I’d say it’s important to strive for improvement (as almost every post in this blog demonstrates), but your goals should be pragmatic.
Idealism is inherently problematic, because we are human. We are not and can never be perfect in any way.
To deny the physiological processes that guide us every moment of every day is to deny your true nature.
And without accepting your true nature, you can’t effectively improve.