I had an epiphany today. I was using my flashcard app and learning new Spanish vocabulary. And while it’s not “fun” in the classical sense, I like doing it and it feels good.
Why?
Because it feels like I’m growing myself. I’m doing better. I’m creating a future that is better. And I really like that.
I tend to like anything that feels like an investment in myself, my life, or even in others. I enjoy activities that feel like they’ll lead to exponential growth.
As sort of a side note, I remember as a kid always really loving RTS games where you gather resources and grow exponentially. While I can’t help but think now that maybe those games served to subconsciously inure me to unregulated capitalism and the concomitant exploitation and exhaustion of the natural world (lol), it also maybe instilled in me the love of growth and scale.
So that’s all great, but why is this particularly relevant at the moment?
Because I don’t really feel like I have that in my business at the moment. I sort of feel like I’m just keeping up and managing what I have without any real possibility of growth.
There are lots of reasons for this, some of them more relevant than others. Since the pandemic began, I haven’t really spent any time “on the business”. I haven’t been planning how I can grow and acting on those things.
Despite that, I have continued to grow. It’s important that I acknowledge that because I think it will help me change my mindset here.
But even so, it hasn’t been MY focus. It has not been where my head is at when I’m working. And whether it’s true or not, it sort of feels like I’m at a peak.
I don’t really intend to come up with a solution in this post, but I do just want to acknowledge this problem and put it on my own radar so that I can figure out a way forward that fixes it.